Poetry

Pak me bij de hand.

Wanneer ik verdwaal in mijn gedachtenland.

Wanneer ik overmeesterd word door de ruis.

Breng me terug naar huis.

Essentie

When youth fades

Light to shades

And wisdom I can read from your face

Is when the juvenile’s pretty

Evolves into a beauty

Only our ancestors really knew in their days.

Ancestors

Afraid you are

For the depth you carry

Those cracks that run deep

Bottoms filled, bodies to bury

And it feels like drowning

Being swallowed to the bone

Nothing to grab onto

No land, No stone

Surrender is all you can

In a vortex like this

Letting go and trust

in all that is

Ánd all that comes up

Perfectly tucked away

Year after year

Great hope they left, when stayed

Still there to be seen

Listened to and felt

Scary is not what they are

When being carefully held

With softness the dusk

Can change into dawn

Start floating in darkness

Wild water’ll be gone.

No bodies to burry

only pieces to hold in the light

And that’s when you’ll see

Depths are never to fright.

Depths

Is it fair?

That I feel so intense and deep?

Others easily fall asleep?

But me so caring, my mind can't bear.

So nights of sleep are truly rare?

Caring

With my face in the sun, listening to all the different sounds and melodies of the birds, blurring into one. I’m thinking about life and dead. Because while we think we know it all. It’s those two things that are the only certainties we have. I know right now, I live. Right now, I’m alive. Breathing is this beautiful living vessel, we call a body -we take for granted every single day- and I know one day, I just won’t. Everything else is my perception, my reality, my perception of reality. I Think I know life, I think I know right and wrong, I think I know the way to be, handle, work. I think I understand this ‘being human’ thing. But to be fair, I don’t. The only thing I know, -and we all- know for sure, is that one day we die. After we’ve been giving this precious time, to spend in this vessel we got, free to use to experience this weirdly human life with all it’s turns, twists, tears, love, going low and high. So the only thing I ever want, before that happens, before the bird comes out the clock, singing, it’s time to say goodbye.. I truly experienced this life given. To its fullest. every moment, on this wonderful planet, mindful, aware, present. Knowing that when my eyes stay closed, I truly lived. Because wow, this experience is such a gift.

To it's fullest

I saw you today

With her

And my heart skipped

My tummy ache

For her touching your back like I should

So I turned away

Forced a smile

Pretending like I could

And like I don’t care about you like this

For you don’t choose

To be the one to kiss.

To kiss

It’s 3 am and while I’m wide awake and wish to sleep. My mind creates these living dreams about you and me. It not only repeats memories. The way your firm but gentle hands touched my back so soft but certain. Our lips finding their way to each other. The wavering of my breath and the sound of yours. Our naked skin so close, I can’t feel where I end and you begin. The smell of you, that smells like home so free, that I carry now on me. And our eyes finding each other now and then, making me wonder, is this the man? It’s 3 am and my mind likes to play. With perfect music, roses, memories and dreams with magical sun rays. Moments that could be. Happening for you and me. Words that may be said in conversations we have while walking on the beach. Or with a coffee at breakfast or diner for two. My brain loves how you suddenly tell me: I love you. And how our lives turn out. You loving me oh so loud. And these firm but gentle hands being mine now. Up to the moment you speak your vow. To wake up even when I’m wide awake. To realize, this isn’t true, it’s a fake. It’s just my mind, spinning in the middle of the night. Dancing with every memory, my desires and hope, creating a story I can tell myself, to cope. Knowing these dreams for this hopeless romantic is not more than a desire but a lie. Yet is something I would for die.